The Mind is the Athlete

To be perfectly honest, this has been a pretty tough week. I knew it would be. This was my last week to see if my knee would finish up this whole healing process and I could move on with life OR I was calling in a team of help.

On Monday, I saw Josh, my amazing Sports chiropractor. My knee felt like it was in the entirely wrong place, and he took care of it. It was sore, but it felt better. He told me to "swim my heart out."

Now, to be perfectly honest, I have been swimming short 1000yd swims on my schedule. So on Tuesday, I swam 4000yd. That's normal, right? Well, I got in some trouble for being overzelous.

Stomach bug wednesday.

Thursday, I decided to be reasonable and swim 2000. But I was so upset. I need to be TRAINING. NOW. Seriously. IM St. George is right around the corner. Everyone else was at the trainer sessions getting ready to rock the bike, and I am stuck swimming a lame short swim. I ended the stupid swim with tears in my goggles. Seriously. That defeats the point of having goggles. They are supposed to keep the water out.

Friday--this week is going well, right? I bent down, my knee popped, and it started REALLY hurting again. Awesome. Friday, I had a meeting with Coach, Laura and Mark. All three of us are doing St. George, so we were have a meeting/pep rally. Well, coach starts talking about his plan, and counting the weeks backwards with the big workouts, and I start crying like a baby in the starbucks. How embarassing. At least no one saw me in my goggles! Here I am crying in front of the people I have ridden up mountains with and gone on crazy runs and are coaching me to these epic races. Ugh.

Fortunately, they are really really supportive, and all of them have had wicked injuries at some point, and for some crazy reason they all seem to sincerely believe in me and my recovery.

Ok, enough negativity. Time to jump out from all of these bad thoughts, tears, and stressing.

Here's the gameplan:

Yesterday, I talked with Laura's sports chiro. I love my sports chriropractor, but this guy specializes in Active Release therapy. Here's how the conversation went.

Dr.: Describe what happened..

Me: Explained the race and falling on my knee.

Dr.: Did something happen to your left calf?

Me: Seems unrelated, but ummmm....no not really.....oh wait, I remember--it balled up into a giant knot and I punched it really hard. Does that count.

Dr.: *Laughs* yes, yes that counts. I can help with this. I know what's going on. I think I can fix it. You need to come in as soon as you can get yourself here. Your calf keeps pulling Josh's ajustments out of line, and I can fix it.

Me: Are you busy right now?????????????????????????

Dr.: *cute kids in the backround* Ummm...yes, we open on Monday.

So, first off, that is PROMISING! I am cautiously optimistic

Second--I have another appt with Josh on monday.

Third--I have an appt with a sports specialist at Emory on Tuesday.

Fourth--I have a Physical Therapy appt on Friday.

I am going to fix this. I HAVE to fix this.

My friend Kelly sent me an email asking if I could talk about what inspires me to train. What makes me want to get out there when I don't feel like it. (Kelly is in the middle of this picture!).

This is clearly the best AND the worst time to talk about it, so here goes.

Endurance sports seem to fit my personality. I deeply understand and enjoy setting a goal, working hard, and reaching the goal. I have always been this type of personality. It is important to me that the goal be difficult enough that I have the capability of reaching it, but it is going to be a struggle.

Now, this leads to a LOT of frustration when something stands in my way (injury, time, exhaustion, etc). But it also means that they payoff of reaching that goal is huge. It is huge for my personal belief in myself, my gratitude for those that helped me, and my confidence.

I will say that every time I have gotten back into training from an injury, I have trained with such a sense of gratitude. Thankful that I feel better, thankful that I CAN train, thankful for those around me who support me, thankful that I lead a life that allows me this kind of joy, thankful for every step I can take, and thankful for my health.

That doesn't mean I WANT to do every run, ride, or swim. It doesn't mean I don't have days where I drag myself into a lame workout. But the payoff of dedicating myself to a goal is SO huge for me.

This was rambling, I know, but that is where my mind is right now. I am trying to get my mind right because until it is, my body will not be ready to go with it. My coach reminded me that "the mind IS the athlete."

Kelly, I promise I will write more about inspiration as I train for my next goal--on the hard days and weeks. I am sure that as my physical and mental state change, my inspiration and ideas about it change too.

What inspires you? Why do you train? Why keep going?